Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
