I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We got so high we made milksteak
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
