I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
