If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
