My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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