i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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