I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think your dad took our porno
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
