I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
