my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
