i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
