i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Can you bring me the toilet please
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
