New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
