I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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