before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
