I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You need Xanax blowdarts
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
