I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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