eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
