My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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