I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
