Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
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