my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
