Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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