I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
