oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
