Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
and you fell through a lawn chair
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
