She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
