You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
