Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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