Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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