I just threw up on my dentist
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
