The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
