He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
