is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
