what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
