Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
