I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
