I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
