I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
