I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
