He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
