I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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