Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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