So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
