I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
