There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
