I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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