shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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