i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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