Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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