just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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