Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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