Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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