You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
